War Ink

Veterans revealing stories and witness of war through their tattoos. Check out the interactive website at: http://www.warink.org/

Read the complete story here: War Ink on PBS

Watch the YouTube film:

Then & Now

"Remember My Forgotten Man" -  Gold Diggers of 1933 

I don't know if he deserves a bit of sympathy
Forget your sympathy, that's all right with me
I was satisfied to drift along from day to day
Till they came and took my man away

Remember my forgotten man
You put a rifle in his hand
You sent him far away
You shouted: "Hip-hooray!"
But look at him today

Remember my forgotten man
You had him cultivate the land
He walked behind the plow
The sweat fell from his brow
But look at him right now

And once, he used to love me
I was happy then
He used to take care of me
Won't you bring him back again?
'Cause ever since the world began
A woman's got to have a man
Forgetting him, you see
Means you're forgetting me
Like my forgotten man

"Time To Go Home" - Michael Franti & Spearhead, Yell Fire, 2007

Those who start wars, never fight them
And those who fight wars, they never like them
And those who write laws, can recite them
And those who fight laws, they live and die by them

But I know its time
Yes I know its time
It's time to go home
It's time to go home
It's time to go home
It's time to go home

Don't take our boys away
Don't take our girls away
Don't take our boys away
Don't take our girls away

Those who build walls are pretending
That forever they can defend them
Those who dam streams can build fountains
Those of us who just let them run free
Can move mountains

But I know its time
Yes I know its time
It's time to go home
It's time to go home
It's time to go home
It's time to go home

And I say, you whoooo
You whoooo who who who, you whoooo who who who

Doves fly by in the morning light
Leaves fall down on a passer by
Phone call comes and a mamma cries
Tears stream down from a daddy's eyes
Tears stream down from a daddy's eyes

But I know its time
Yes I know its time
It's time to go home
It's time to go home
It's time to go home
It's time to go home

"Light Up Ya Lighter" - Michael Franti & Spearhead, Yell Fire, 2007

It never makes no sense
It never makes no sense
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter, fire, fire, fire

Armageddon is a deadly day
Armageddon is a deadly way
They comin for you everyday
While senators on holiday

The army recruiters in the parking lot
Hustling kids there jugglin pot
Listen, young man, listen to my plan
Gonna make you money, gonna make you a man
Bom bom here's what you get... an M-16 and a kevlar vest
You might come home with one less leg but this thing will surely keep a bullet out your chest

So, come on, come on, sign up, come on
This one's nothing like Vietnam
Except for the bullets, except for the bombs, except for the youth that's gone

So we keep it on 'til ya comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter, fire, fire, fire

So we keep it on 'til ya comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter, fire, fire, fire

Tell me, President, tell me if you will
How many people does a smart bomb kill?
How many of 'em do you think we got?
The general says we never miss a shot
And we never ever ever keep a body count
We killin so efficiently, we can't keep count
In the Afghan hills, the rebels still fightin
Opium fields keep providin

The best heroin that money can buy and
Nobody knows where Osama been hidin
The press confrences keep on lyin
Like we don't know

So we keep it on 'til ya comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter, fire, fire, fire

So we keep it on 'til ya comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter, fire, fire, fire

Some say engine, engine number nine
Machine guns on a New York transit line
The war for oil is a war for the beast
The war on terror is a war on peace
Tellin you they're gonna protect you and
Tellin you that they support the troops

And don't let them fool you with their milk and honey
No, they only want your money

One step forward and two steps back
One step forward and two steps back
Why do veterans get no respect
PTSD and a broken back

Take a look at where your money's gone seen
Take a look at what they spend it on
No excuses, no illusions
Light up ya lighter, bring it home

So we keep it on 'til ya comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter, fire, fire, fire

So we keep it on 'til ya comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter, fire, fire, fire

So we keep it on 'til ya comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter, fire, fire, fire

So we keep it on 'til ya comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter, fire, fire, fire

Fire, fire, fire, yeah, you know, so light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire, fire, no, light up ya lighter

This Ain't Iraq

Sad and frustrated. 

~~~~~

You are right, this is not Iraq.

But this is,

And this,

 And this,

And sadly, sometimes this.

Photos taken during my 15 month deployment from 2006 to 2007.

on Fear

" . . . fear is squeezed out because of lack of space, that slow-motion sense that comes with peril is so vast and can no longer be grasped and so, however briefly, it fades from consciousness. It is the drug of the  combat zone. (142)"

From Down by the River: Drugs, Money, Murder, and Family
by Charles Bowden












"Fear actually can become much more of a problem for a warrior after coming home that it is in the war zone. The fear signal, which becomes almost a sixth sense in the combat environment, and which the warrior learns to trust implicitly for survival, can remain on high alert back home, where there is no longer the same need for it. . . . In the military, terms like fear and helplessness mean very different things than they do in civilian environments. (26)"

From Once a Warrior Always A Warrior
by Charles W. Hogue, MD, Colonel (Ret.), U.S. Army 

3rd Semester Reading List

Well, third semester's in the bag. Here's what I read:

1. A Good Man is Hard to Find & Other Stories by Flannery O’ Connor
2. Collected Short Stories of (by) Anton Chekov
3. Letting Loose the Hounds: Stories by Brady Udall
4. The Coast of Chicago by Stuart Dybek
5. Emperor of the Air by Ethan Canin
6. The Pugilist at Rest: Stories by Thom Jones
7. The Night in Question: Stories by Tobias Wolff
8. Collected Works (Eleven Kinds of Loneliness) by Richard Yates
9. The Night in Question: Stories by Tobias Wolff
10. Miracle Boy and Other Stories by Pinckney Benedict
11. first, body by Melanie Rae Thon
12. At the Jim Bridger by Ron Carlson
13. Airships by Barry Hannah
14. Sometimes a Great Notion by Ken Kesey
15. Give Us a Kiss by Daniel Woodrell
16. Ceremony by Leslie Marmon Silko
17. The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit by Sloan Wilson
18. In the Lake of the Woods by Tim O’Brien
19. The Sojourn by Andrew Krivak
20. The Return of the Soldier by Rebecca West
21. CivilWarLand in Bad Decline by George Saunders
22. All That Is by James Salter
23. If I Die in a Combat Zone by Tim O’Brien
24. Black Virgin Mountain: A Return to Vietnam by Larry Heinemann
25. Dust to Dust: A Memoir by Benjamin Busch
26. The Long Walk by Brian Castner
27. Odysseus in America by Jonathan Shay
28. Once a Warrior, Always a Warrior by Charles Hoge

Surprises:

first, body was recommended to me by my advisor. If you like'd Denis Johnson's Jesus' Son, you'll like this. Both collection's character's dwell in the same dark places of society, but deserve to be heard, and heard with a sense of lyrical urgency.

The Pugilist at Rest. I can only describe this as being punched in the face and liking it. Shit, loving it.

The Sojourn--a 2011 National Book Award Finalist--is a spectacular (though often tragic) tale of a shepherd boy/man rising from Austria-Hungry in the midst of World War I, becoming a semi-famed sharpshooter then perilously falling from grace and struggling like everyone else to survive the "meat grinder," only to find that the months following the war could still be the hardest yet to live. Read it, you won't be sorry.

Armistice About Face

Armistice, a truce, an agreement by both sides to stop fighting, and the hope in 1918 was that they’d seen the worse of it. That during the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month there was a break in the fighting, and in that lull the sudden silence was the voice of God. 

But do we live in a society disconnected from war? Even as we ask ourselves whether we’re becoming desensitized to violence we look at the statistics and see dwindling participation in our nation’s wars. Nearly every kid in our nation’s secondary school system could probably describe intimately with sardonic verisimilitude Black Ops, or Metal of Honor, or Call of Duty, or whatever first person shooter has conscripted our children as virtual soldiers. War is not a fucking video game. War is killing. But this is something only 6.9% of our nations population knows. Our current population rests somewhere around 316,000,000 yet less than 22,000,000 living veterans of armed conflict are in our midst.

How does war affect your vote? How does war affect your life? How much money do you make? Do you think you make enough money that you’ll just pay taxes and that precludes you from having to participate in armed conflict? Imagine if congress had started a draft for the Global War on Terror--Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom. Would you have encouraged your son to flee to Canada? Would you have tried to find a means for your child not to have to fight because certain populations of our nation are entitled enough they need not experience war? 2,500,000 soldiers, sailors, and marines have participated in the last decade of war. That’s less than 1% of our nation’s population. Actually, that’s 0.86% of our nation’s population.

But was war ever supported with a greater percentage of Americans.

4.3% of the population in the 60’s and 70’s fought in Vietnam.

3.75% of the population in the early 50’s fought in Korea.

11.4% of the population in the late 30’s and early 40’s fought in World War II.

4.58% of the population in the late teens fought in World War I.

I wish I could conclude that dwindling participation in our nation’s wars means war is becoming obsolete. That progressive politics and increased diplomacy necessitates lesser numbers of troops waiting to take up arms, but we know that’s not true. Sure, we can brag about sticking magnified flags and yellow ribbons on our vehicles after 9/11. And I personally knew many men in the Army who joined out of patriotism and a calling to serve after our nation was terrorized, but those men are still part of the 0.86%.

I’ve set this track to repeat for a while.

Bob Dylan

“Masters of War”

Come you masters of war

You that build all the guns

You that build the death planes

You that build the big bombs

You that hide behind walls

You that hide behind desks

I just want you to know

I can see through your masks

You that never done nothin’

But build to destroy

You play with my world

Like it’s your little toy

You put a gun in my hand

And you hide from my eyes

And you turn and run farther

When the fast bullets fly

Like Judas of old

You lie and deceive

A world war can be won

You want me to believe

But I see through your eyes

And I see through your brain

Like I see through the water

That runs down my drain

You fasten the triggers

For the others to fire

Then you set back and watch

When the death count gets higher

You hide in your mansion

As young people’s blood

Flows out of their bodies

And is buried in the mud

You’ve thrown the worst fear

That can ever be hurled

Fear to bring children

Into the world

For threatening my baby

Unborn and unnamed

You ain’t worth the blood

That runs in your veins

How much do I know

To talk out of turn

You might say that I’m young

You might say I’m unlearned

But there’s one thing I know

Though I’m younger than you

Even Jesus would never

Forgive what you do

Let me ask you one question

Is your money that good

Will it buy you forgiveness

Do you think that it could

I think you will find

When your death takes its toll

All the money you made

Will never buy back your soul

And I hope that you die

And your death’ll come soon

I will follow your casket

In the pale afternoon

And I’ll watch while you’re lowered

Down to your deathbed

And I’ll stand o’er your grave

’Til I’m sure that you’re dead

I believe today is a day of remembrance for the universal joy that comes from peace. It’s not a day to remember the fallen: that’s memorial day. It’s not a day to take pride in our service: that’s vulgar and only glorifies war. It’s a day for commemorating the universal joy of peace.

So on this Veteran’s Day don’t thank a vet for their service. Instead, look inward and consider what it would take for you to go to war or encourage a loved one to go to war. Do you believe in the cause enough you’re willing to die or watch that loved one die? Or will you side with remembrance of the joy of universal peace. Are you willing to compromise and support peace before war? And if you have had to fight or if you’ve had to send off a loved one, than you should know the joys of peace better than any, and proclaim the truth of Armistice Day.

“Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.”

–General Dwight Eisenhower 

“I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.”

–General Dwight Eisenhower

“I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only one who has seen its brutality, its stupidity.” 

–General Dwight Eisenhower

"Up Mountain," featured on 49 Writers

Here's a short I wrote, featured on the 49 Writers (an Alaskan writers blog).

Click the image. Or follow: http://49writers.blogspot.com/2014/09/alaska-shorts-up-mountain-by-samuel.html

Think You Can Wait?

I was drifting, crying

I was looking for an island

I was slipping under

I'll pull the devil down with me one way or another

I'm out of my mind; think you can wait?

I'm way off the line; think you can wait?

We've been running a sleepless run

Been away from the baby way too long

We've been holding a good night gone

We've been losing our exits one by one

I'm out of my mind; think you can wait?

I'm way off the line; think you can wait?

Did I? (all I have is all)

Think you can wait?

Did I? (all I have is all)

Think you can wait?

What I'm thinking is simple

I'll sell apples and ice water at the temple

I won't make trouble

I'll pull the devil down with me one way or another

We've been running a sleepless run

Been away from the baby way too long

We've been holding a good night gone

We've been losing our exits one by one

I'll try.

I'll try, but I couldn't be better. (all I have is all)

I'll try, but I couldn't be better. (all I have is all)

I'll try, but I couldn't be better. (all I have is all)

Photograph by Giuseppe Pellicano, "The Grenade Series."

Lyrics by The National, "Think You Can Wait."

Hardworking Veterans

"Dedication, sometimes going over the line into fanaticism, is normal for combat veterans in the workplace. It accounts for the success in the world that many do achieve. They typically work much more than forty hours a week. The truism "Money isn't everything" has an unusual application here. I have never known a group of people so little interested in money as the combat veterans I have worked with. If they have worked like madmen, like they are on a "mission," it is not for the money, but for the sake of having a mission that shuts everything else from their minds."

-Jonathan Shay, M.D., Ph.D., Odysseus in America: Combat Trauma and the Trials of Homecoming

A Correlation Between PTSD & Morale

"There are factors that can mitigate the risk of PTSD from combat. Studies conducted by researchers at Walter Reed Army Institute of Research have shown that strong unit leadership, high cohesion, and high unit morale are correlated with lower rates of PTSD in combat units. By contrast, poor leadership and low morale contribute to demoralization, anger, and feelings of helplessness, all of which can compound or exacerbate PTSD symptoms. Once warriors return home, one of the strongest variables that help in recovery is their level of support from loved ones. (28)"

From Once A Warrior Always A Warrior, by Charles W. Hoge, M.D., COL (Ret.)

On the Bitterness of a Soldier

"There is a core of anger in the soul of almost every veteran, and we are justified in calling it bitterness, but the bitterness of one man is not the same thing as the bitterness of another. In one man it becomes a consuming flame that sears his soul and burns his body. In another it is barely traceable. It leads one man to outbursts of temper, another to social radicalism, a third to excesses of conservatism. (21)"

~Willard Waller, a post WW1 sociologist, from Odysseus in America: Combat Trauma and the Trials of Homecoming by Jonathan Shay, M.D., Ph.D.

Humanity and Reverence

Wow.

Click image to watch video in new window.

Writing a "Palpable Sensation"

"Some folks want to believe that the writing must have been a wonderful cathartic; "playing all those horror tapes," as one guy put it. But I have not found it so. Writing as therapy, God help us; the world doesn't work that way. Let's just say that both of my war novels were written out of deep bitterness; put another way, the impulse to tell the story of the war rose out of an undeniable authenticity of exhausted, smothered rage, perhaps more bitter than tongue can tell. Someone once asked me why I wrote war novels, and I told him that writing novels was more elegant than a simple "Fuck you."

"My war-year was like a nail in my head, like a corpse in my house, and I wanted it out, but for the longest time now, I have had the unshakable, melancholy understanding that the war will always be vividly present in me, a literal physical, palpable sensation."

From Black Virgin Mountain: A Return to Vietnam
a memoir by Larry Heinemann

What's it all about, anyway?

One morning in Saigon she'd asked what it was all about. "This whole war," she said, " why was everybody so mad at everybody else?"

I shook my head. "They weren't mad, exactly. Some people wanted one thing, other people wanted another thing." 

"What did you want?" 

"Nothing," I said. "To stay alive."

"That's all?"

"Yes."

From "Field Trip" by Tim O'Brien in The Things They Carried

Truth

"I want you to feel what I felt. I want you to know why story-truth is truer sometimes than happening-truth. 

Here is the happening-truth. I was once a soldier. There were many bodies, real bodies with real faces, but I was young then and I was afraid to look. And now, twenty years later, I'm left with faceless responsibility and faceless grief. 

Here is the story-truth. He was a slip, dead, almost dainty young man of about twenty. He lay in the center of a red clay trail near the village of My Khe. His jaw was in his throat. His one eye was sut, the other eye was a star-shaped hole. I killed him." 

From "Good Form" by Tim O'Brien in The Things They Carried

On Writing as the Antithesis of Therapy

"I did not look on my work as therapy, and still don’t. . . it occurred to me that the act of writing had led me through a swirl of memories that might otherwise have ended in paralysis or worse. By telling stories, you objectify your own experience. You separate if from yourself. You pin down certain truths. You make up others. You start sometimes with an incident that truly happened, like the night in the shit field, and you carry it forward by inventing incidents that did not in fact occur but that nonetheless help to clarify and explain. (158)" 

From "Notes" by Tim O'Brien in The Things They Carried

Literary Journals

During a craft talk at my past residency in Forest Grove, Marvin Bell advised students to subscribe to at least five literary journals a year. He suggested students chose a couple new journals for subscription each year, but advised keeping the list at five in order to actually read what you're paying for. I've heard this described before as "good karma." If you want to get published in literary journals it's naive (or snobby) to think that will happen without actually subscribing yourself.

So here's what I'm into. And here's what I'm getting into.

The past year I've discovered and purchased/subscribed to these (click on cover for link to website):

Now, I subscribe to and anxiously await issues of these:

And it probably doesn't fall into the realm of journals, but I've been a New Yorker subscriber for over a year now. I like the stories, but I really enjoy the essays each week.

A cost to defining expression?

I stumbled upon this Stanley Kubrick quote today; I really like it.

"I have steadfastly avoided talks, lectures, etcetera, because they tend to formalize my own thinking, which I think would not be a good thing."

Is there a risk of over analyzing art? When we verbalize and quantify what we're doing, or what we're thinking someone else is doing, do we ruin the original expression of it?